It’s funny. I thought I had my thoughts together. Throughout the day I’m like, “Totally blogging about that!” (Yes, all you organizers, I have several idea pads now. They tell me to “be brilliant”, so I have no choice but to step my game up.) As I sit down on my swinging banana chair on my back deck, I feel the pressure of the first blog post. (Cue menacing piano music.) It’s the one that is supposed to make me interesting to people so that they’ll keep reading what I write. The truth is, I’m just a normal person who, like most people, has been hurt by the actions of others and by the decisions I have made for myself. It can turn into a spiral. One hurt begets another, begets another until you’re swimming in hurt soup without a spoon.
I think emotional pain is a universal human experience. Different people get to different depths than others. Some people are convinced that nobody else could possibly understand or have felt what they’re feeling. Some people get stuck, get lost in the victim mentality. Some people get so used to pain that they create more of it for themselves even after the initial cause has been eradicated, because they feel that’s all they’ll ever know or deserve. Some people hurt so badly that they become hopeless, in the real sense of the word. They give up. I’m here to share with you that I’ve been every one of those people at one time in my life or another.
Now, here’s the hope (cue choirs of angels and bright beams of light). I’m not any of those versions of me any more. Do I ever feel sad? Yes. Of course! I’m still human after all. But what I’ve been able to do is pick myself up, brush myself off, and keep trying at happiness & peace of mind. I’ve found that the key for me is never giving up, trying new things, staying as positive as I can, exercising (don’t knock it, it helps), broadening my horizon, changing the people I’m surrounded with…and continuing to change them until I get it right, caring about myself, relaxing (or trying…it’s hard…I’m pretty busy), making goals: big ones and small ones, talking to people, stepping out of my comfort zone, helping others, and the most important job I’ll ever have, being the best mom I can be.
This blog is devoted to sharing my healing journey. Whatever twists and turns it may take; the good, the bad, and the ugly. I hope it will help someone. I’ve seen the domino effect of saving one person from pain and despair. I see it every day when I look at my daughter.